Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
