ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
