Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
