2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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