Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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