Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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