And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
