I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
