I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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