My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
