Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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