there's paper in my vomit.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
