There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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