Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
