So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
