i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she looked like the before picture.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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