I will die if light touches me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
