Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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