Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
