Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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