Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
