thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
