He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
