I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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