I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
