so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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