well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
