If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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