apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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