The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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