hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
