how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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