I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
