I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
