Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
