you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
