OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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