I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
