He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
