he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
