My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
