he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
