I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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