Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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