My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
