just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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