What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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