there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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