Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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