one word: firstdatebathroomanal
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
