Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
