I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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