we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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