The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
