oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want nice things and good sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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