No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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