if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
