perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
