I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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