this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
