I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
